Broken and Breathless

I stared at my monitor in disbelief.  Tears flowing down my cheek.  All the air in my lungs disappeared.

I was Broken and Breathless.

Broken

It was the night before my dad’s 71st birthday (he passed away nine years ago) and I was hoping to go see my Aunt.  I had her address but wanted to make sure of it so I looked it up on the internet.  I typed in her name.

Her name appeared in the search list and I clicked on the first link.

It’s that link that broke me.

It was her obituary.  She died in 2011.  I was breathless.

At that moment, it was as if my world took a giant leap backwards.  I had missed it – it being the opportunity to reconnect with my dad’s family.  Broken and Breathless I searched more.

Breathless

In today’s “technological” world, finding people is not hard.  A couple of clicks of the keyboard usually brings a listing a page long of “people” who may or may not be related.  Facebook is good in helping with that.  Recently I’ve seen people sharing pictures of themselves with a poster asking others to help them find their birth mother/parents.

It was through Facebook that the rest of whatever remaining air I had disappeared.  With the click of a mouse, hopes and possible answers reappeared.  I again stared in disbelief.  Not only had I found my other Aunt, I found my Uncle and Cousins – all within a click of a button.

Broken and Breathless

It would take me a week to catch my breath.  After posting a brief comment on Facebook, I had friends praying for me.  No, most did not know why and those who did, offered love, support, and friendship that brought Breath back to my soul.  {Love you my friends.  Thanks for praying for me.}

As I prayed, I wondered – Do I try to reconnect with my family I haven’t seen in years?  My childhood was not all pleasant and most of my memories are not good.  Still, I had to ask – “Lord, is this Your will, Your plan for my life.”

He answered, “What others meant for harm, I plan to use for Good.”

Again, Broken and Breathless.

He also reminded me of what he did in the lives of Jacob and Esau – two brothers who deceived each other – putting years of distance and hate between them.  Nevertheless, what did God do, He brought them back together.  They say, “Time heals all wounds.”  I don’t know if that is necessarily true or not.  However, what I do know is that time allows one to think and pray.

Breathing Again

Still not sure if I wanted to “reconnect,” I visited my Aunt’s grave site   It was there looking at the blank piece of marble slab covering her burial site that I found my answer.  If God can bring Jacob and Esau back together, He can bring my dad’s side of my family and me back together.

So, with that thought in mind, I sent a message, praying my heart would not be broken again and Waited.

Whole Again

If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you’ll know that I’ve recently come to know and understand what the word Grace means in my life.  It is Grace that has brought me this far and Grace that will lead me forward.  It is Grace that brought me wholeness.  It is Grace that reconnects.

It didn’t take long to get a message back.  Not only did my Aunt remember me, we’ve since become Facebook Friends, and it’s this small gesture that makes me feel Whole Again.

Yes, it will take time for us to get to know each other again.  Yes, there are other family members I am longing to reconnect with {I’ll allow time to take its course}.  Yes, there are questions I have and answers I’m not sure I want to know.

Nevertheless, a piece of me is Whole Again and I’m Breathing Again.

I write and share these words so you will know that God can bring Families back together again.  It is part of my healing process.  A part of God’s plan for my life.  I pray, if you are disconnected from a family member, please ask God to show you how He can reconnect you.

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About Follow 2 Serve {Lorna}

I am a follower of Christ and I love to serve Him. I am married with two sons. I received my Liberal Arts Associate Degree in May of 2012. My hobbies are reading, crocheting, quilting, knitting, nature photography, and being with my sons.
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2 Responses to Broken and Breathless

  1. Allyson says:

    Very disconnected from my birth father and his entire family but I am not sure I want to reconnect with him. It all seems so fake to me – I love you, I missed you, etc. Then why haven’t you called me in 11 years? Why did you leave me alone as a child and not ever see me or write to me or send gifts or anything? I am stubborn and I refuse to open my heart to a heartless, undependable person and also the heart of my child who doesn’t even know there is another man out there who is her blood grandfather. I know what its like to be waiting and wondering if he loves you and get your heart smashed……..not going to deliberately put her in that place. I just pray, not for a way to reconnect, but for a way to be at peace with the total disconnect. I think of it as self protection I guess.

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